Today is the day I’ve been looking forward to when the worst of my workload is over. It’s a bit of an end of exams feeling by which I mean I’m not as euphoric as I anticipated, there’s still a lot to be done on the home front (the big Christmas shop still only has two bottles of champagne in the basket!) but… we have a dancing weekend ahead and at the end of it the boys start to come home, that’s when it’ll feel as if Christmas has truly begun. So let’s have a catch-up – a Christmassy midlife lately. I hope this will still be interesting for those of you who follow my Instagram account because you’ll have seen a lot of these pictures while I’ve been experimenting on there this month but at least there’s space for more chat here.
Christmassy midlife lately & what I’ve been wearing
Over the last few years our Christmas seems to have settled into a more extended one, starting with Mal’s world in Newcastle in the first weekend of December. We then have Christmas itself with the boys and continue the celebrations through to the new year by catching up with friends and my side of the family.
I’m feeling particularly aware of how lucky I am that I’ll have all three boys at home again this Christmas. The eldest will be 28 on 21st December and I know it won’t be too many years before I get the phone call that says he has plans of his own. I feel quite sure that he won’t feel able to have that conversation face to face – being a Christmas baby it’s always been an extra special time of year for us and the break will be painful on both sides when it comes. This time though they’re all going to be back and for quite a long time too. The middle one remains in residence as you know but the eldest and youngest are both taking long breaks so I’m really going to make the most of it. I was thinking about how Christmas shifts when we were in Newcastle because in the early days of our relationship Christmas there was a huge affair. Everybody would gather at Mal’s parents’ house – aunties, uncles, brothers, wives, children, babies, cousins, dogs and it was the classic, chaotic family time.
There comes a year when it moves on though. In my family it was the Christmas after my parents sold the family home and downsized. They could no longer cater for us all and so our Christmas shifted. And then of course came illness. The responsibility of caring for ageing parents means that rather than seizing opportunities to get together, siblings’ roles are often to relieve each other for a while. As you know my mum and dad both had cancer and so the years of looking after them felt intense and relentless but with the perspective I have now I’m grateful that they were still fully ‘present’. With dementia and Mal’s mum we’re becoming more and more aware of why they call it the long goodbye. We never know how ‘present’ she’ll be and of course it’s easier for us than the family who are local and handle the responsibility every day.
Being an ‘in-law’ means you’re always a step removed too and so you can observe things more objectively than those who are living in the wind tunnel. I felt sorry for them all this year that their big, jolly Christmases have gone. I can’t say too much but looking after parents puts strain on every sibling relationship in one way or another. When you’re going through it you have to manage as best you can and just hope that you’ll be able to function as siblings rather than carers again when it’s over. I know so many people our age who are in this situation – and so many of you shared your feelings about it when I asked you to tell me about your midlife bumps in the road this summer. Our parents are the generation who in one way benefitted from the advances in medicine that have prolonged their lives but there wasn’t the tandem focus on wellness that we have now. They’re living longer but often not in an optimum way. And so the care that falls upon us, their children, is a lot to handle.
It was hard for me losing my parents 20 years or so earlier than most people do but it does give me the advantage of perspective. And in many ways it was so much easier looking after them in my younger years when I had lots of energy than it would have been now, I was already in ‘caring mode’ as a mother of young children. What I’m trying to say here is that I feel for all of you who are going through it and I know that it can be intensified at this time of year which is supposed to be all about celebration. Do what you can but take time for yourself too. Shakespeare was very astute with his seven ages of man – elderly parents in their ‘second childishness’ often become totally self-focused and sometimes you have to fight for your own right to breathe.
Sorry that suddenly turned out to be more than I’d intended to write but I know for a fact that it’s a struggle that lots of you are living with and for lots of reasons it felt appropriate to write about it now. Let’s get back to the celebratory side of our Christmas in Newcastle.
Christmassy midlife lately
Wednesday
So this was the beginning of our week there and as I always say, the advantage of our flat being so central is that there’s almost always a surprise on our doorstep. This time we arrived during the very cold snap of weather and Greggs had sent their bus out to warm the city with free pies and hot drinks for all which felt a bit like a modern version of A Christmas Carol. One thing I learnt from it was not to post Greggs on your Instagram account (insert rolling eyes emoji here!). I lost so many followers when I put this picture up which proved to me that a lot of people just judge you by the photo as I always suspected and don’t bother to read what you have to say.
Denim culottes; Silver boots (gifted AW24)Me+Em leather bomber; Mango tinsel jumper; John Lewis leather bag all past season
It was bitterly cold but the great thing about tinsel jumpers is that they’re very warm. They’ll make those of you who love natural fibres shudder but when you’re in the far north with its year-round outdoor culture these are the things you need to work into your wardrobe! We’d been looking forward to going over and spending a Christmassy afternoon with Mum-in-Law but when we got there she’d completely forgotten we were coming. It was out of character because she usually likes to have something to look forward to so whether it’s a sign that the dementia’s progressing I don’t know. Anyway at least it was a nice surprise for her.
Denim culottes; Silver boots (gifted AW24)Mango tinsel jumper; John Lewis leather bag, Boden silver belt all past season
Christmassy Thursday
The following day was a night out and it tends to be all about moving from place to place when we’re there rather than settling at a table with a nice bottle of wine. And the outdoor thing is really big with lots of open air bars, Christmas teepees and mulled wine stalls. So, as I’ve said, I have to work out how to layer because one minute we’ll be in a warm cocktail bar like this…
Anthropologie tinsel jacket, Boden silver belt; Me+Em wide leg jeans; Arket silver ankle boots – all past season
… and half an hour later we’ll be outside in an outdoor pop-up. I had lots of questions about this new jacket on Instagram but I haven’t set up one of the complicated link pages there yet. The thing is that it’s a particularly good find because it’s in the childrenswear department so there’s no VAT added to it. I’m wearing a size 15-16 year old and it’s plenty big enough – I’d say it would fit up to women’s a size 14 unless you have a very ample bosom. It’s very warm and also shower proof so an absolute winner for my Newcastle life. Perhaps a bit Chris de Burgh* for the countryside (bonus points if you get that festive reference).
Silver puffer jacket; Boden snowflake earrings past season (*A Spaceman Came Travelling)
And this is to show you how cold it was – you can see Mal’s breath… You’ll notice that he’s wearing what I’d call a summerweight jacket on over his t-shirt, the sort of thing I’d wear on an August night in Newcastle – his brothers tell him he’s getting soft!
You see this is what they wear there at -3°C, Geordies just don’t feel the cold!
Christmassy Friday
The following day was all about Christmas shopping and there’s nowhere better to do it than Fenwick’s (I have no relationship with them, I just love, love, love them).
Boden faux fur jacket (AW18); Zara gold jumper (sold out); Jeans; Hush boots (AW19); Leopard belt
The food hall is as good as Fortnum’s with lots of local produce alongside more exotic offerings
Zara gold jumper (sold out); Jeans; Hush boots (AW19); Leopard belt
And as always I dipped into the designerwear just for the fun of it – I love the fact that you can try on brands like Victoria Beckham without anybody batting an eyelid.
Zara gold jumper (sold out); Jeans; Hush boots (AW19); Leopard belt
And then there are the legendary Christmas windows. After a couple of years where the locals felt they’d gone too modern they’re back to the traditional animation and it’s lovely watching the children’s faces. There are often big queues down the street patiently waiting to see them.
Christmassy Saturday
Here we were heading for a Saturday afternoon of disco – if there’s one great thing to come out of 2024 it’s the explosion of daytime events everywhere.
Faux fur jacket (gifted AW24); Pink satin halter top (Zara SS23); Jeans; Hush Metallic boots (AW18)
I absolutely love the fact that they finish at 8pm, it’s so much nicer than being out until the early hours of the morning…
Christmassy Sunday
… and you feel great when you wake up, ready for another day of Christmas celebrations.
Jumper (gifted AW24); Jeans; Boden scarf (AW18); Hush coat (AW17); Zara boots (AW23); Boden bag (SS21)
Worky Monday
Sadly it was back to work and meetings the next day but now that it was December I was rolling the sparkle out…
Boden faux fur jacket (AW18); John Lewis cashmere jumper (Aw22); Hush sparkly skirt (AW22); Hush boots (AW19)
… which as always went down well in the North East.
John Lewis cashmere jumper (AW22); Hush sparkly skirt (AW22); Hush boots (AW19)
Back home Tuesday
And the next day it was time to go home. We had our usual stop at Mainsgill Farm Shop which you’ll know if you’re an A66 regular. It used to be a tiny little place and now it’s become an empire… with camels! It has a lovely food emporium and great traybakes to take away – steer clear of the cakes though, they put jam in everything… even chocolate cake… and coffee cake. As with camels instead of cows it can only be a Yorkshire thing…
Boden sparkly jumper (AW23); Jeans; Arket boots (AW23); John Lewis silver leather shopper (SS15); Boden silver leather belt (SS16)
Stormy Saturday
Sorry this is a bit of a long journey through the month isn’t it? We’ve made it to last weekend now and buying the Christmas tree in breezy Storm Darragh…
Coat (AW24; gifted); long sleeved mock neck jumper; silver mini; silver bag (now in the sale); suede boots (now in the sale); pearl hoop earrings (20% off with MIDLIFECHIC20)
… taking it home to decorate, only to find that the chaos that is our cellar was flooded and the decorations quite literally needed fishing out…
… while Mal fitted a new sump pump. The two wells beneath our house are a great decorative feature until the pump gives up – which given the amount of rain we have happens a lot.
So it was Sunday night by the time the tree was done and all of the other decorations were up – definitely time for a quick sherry. And just after this photo was taken the power blew – we’ve had one of those months with things giving up the ghost – the cellar pump, Mal’s car then my car, the washing machine, the microwave, the Velux blinds in our bedroom… absolutely not the kind of outlay we need at this time of year, there are definitely gremlins about!
Me+Em dress (AW23)
London Tuesday
Tuesday of this week now and I had a superfast journey down to London for a meeting and a haircut…
Jigsaw coat (AW18); Me&Em dress (AW23); Silver boots (AW24 gifted); John Lewis silver leather bag (SS15); M&S green scarf (AW19)
… because I needed to be back for work drinks by 6pm so it was quite a day. This dress was a fabulous winter sale buy last year, it’s so easy to wear and it has their usual super-flattering cut. I should add that their sale started here yesterday and there’s a lot in it. I’m amazed to see the pistachio green that’s predicted to be such a key colour for next year, I wonder if they just went too early with it. There’s some great velour loungewear in the same fabric as the dress I’m wearing which is exactly the sort of thing I like to wear over Twixmas because it’s still smart enough to feel polished. And if you’re quick there are quite a few pieces of their beautiful knitwear and cashmere reduced to a far more affordable price than usual. You can always find particularly good bargains if you buy out of season and it’s worth trawling through to find the summer stock because quite a bit of it is half price if you’re quick. The best thing to do is start here and filter by size at the top to save yourself time. Don’t forget to include your shoe size because there are some big bargains there too – a few people were looking for cream Chelsea boots after I featured mine last week and they’re now 70% off here.
Me&Em dress (AW23); Silver boots (AW24 gifted); John Lewis silver leather bag (SS15); M&S green scarf (AW19)
Wednesday
Wednesday would have been my dad’s 101st birthday so we went to spend a bit of time at his grave. It’s eighteen years since he died now but I still miss him, he was a truly lovely dad.
I should go more often because I always find it comforting to have a chat with my parents. I assume they know what’s going on in my life but I like to share my hopes and dreams with them – I know if they have any kind of celestial power they’ll do their best to sprinkle a little luck on me. I find it clears my mind when I have to summarise what I’m hoping for too, somehow it’s easier to say it out loud to the people who knew me so well and I come away feeling reordered.
So after a pretty hectic month I’m glad I had that time to reflect. From now on it’s going to be busy – the boys will all be home next week so I’m hoping to finish work as soon as I can. It’s just the five of us for Christmas Day this year although my sister and brother-in-law will pop in for a while. And we have carol services, theatre trips, family parties and get togethers with groups of friends and their grown-up children so this weekend we’re going to Leeds. We’ll be bringing the youngest and his girlfriend home with us on Sunday but before that we’re going to have a night on our own doing our favourite thing – disco dancing. It’s the winter version of the event you saw us going to in the summer.
Full 70s outfits are required and I’m really looking forward to it (although this time Mal has bought such hideous shoes that I might stay ten steps behind him all night!). I’ll put photos on Instagram on Sunday if we manage to get any… and then in my post here next Friday.
I don’t know whether you caught the interview with Annie Mac on Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour recently but she was talking about her ‘Before Midnight’ club nights that start at 7pm and end at 11pm. When asked why she’s organising them she said that she’d had so many messages from midlifers who’ve loved her show and said it was the only time they got their dancing fix – in their kitchens. It struck her that it was a shame that people of our age all over the country are dancing at home but not getting to do it in a happy, communal atmosphere. So just like Vicky McClure with Dayfever and Jo Whiley with her 90s anthems she’s touring the country with her events, trying to get us all up on our feet and out dancing again.
As she said in the interview, “dancing is so profoundly important for our wellbeing.” Every culture has dance as an expression of happiness and yet for some reason in the UK we start to feel ashamed about wanting to dance in midlife. It’s seen as if it’s a bit silly… or you have to be drunk to do it… or it’s something you really should have grown out of unless it’s the ballet or Strictly Come Dancing or, at a push, Abba Voyage.
So many people miss out on a fundamental human joy because of this attitude and it needs to stop. Annie Mac’s isn’t my sort of music, it’s trance and techno but I’m thrilled that she’s out there giving more people the opportunity to dance to the music they love. Let’s hope the whole ‘not until the early hours of the morning’ dance movement grows and grows next year. It’s a lifeline for the struggling nighttime industries, giving them an opportunity to double their revenue and it spreads joy.
So many people tell me they miss dancing but they don’t do anything about it. If that’s you, I urge you to find your kind of dancing next year – if you’re fortunate enough to be able to, don’t just sit at home watching it on TV. All you have to do is a bit of googling on your favourite genre and you’ll find events or classes – tickets are often less than £5. Go with whoever will join you, it’s a much healthier night out than sitting in a restaurant with a bottle of wine. And don’t worry if you haven’t danced for a while, it soon comes back to you and nobody cares what you look like, everybody who’s there just wants to share that collective effervescence of letting their hair down for a while. Recent events have reminded me once again that we have to live now and find as much fun as we can – another year has almost passed and before we know it, it will be too late.
Newcastle offer
We have a bit of an adventure ahead in the new year which means we won’t be able to use our Newcastle apartment for a while. It’s such a shame when it stands empty so I thought I’d put an offer out to you if you’d like a weekend away. So, we’re offering a free Sunday night stay for anyone who books a weekend at our Baltic Nest between 1st January and 31st March. You see we’ve learned over the years that Saturdays are so much fun over there that it’s good to have an extra night relaxing before you go home. We can give you any advice you need on places to go and things to do, just ask us. All you need to do is book a weekend on our Baltic Nest website and mention the offer to Mal when he gets in touch to confirm.
And now I must go – I have nails to paint and platform heels to dust off! I’ll be back with one last post next Friday, until then have a lovely Christmas build-up.
Disclosure: ‘Christmassy midlife lately & what I’ve been wearing’ is not a sponsored post
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